


I’m okay (I’m not okay)

by meaniesss (koovoix)



Series: don't wanna cry [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bottom Jeon Wonwoo, Cheating, Dom/sub Undertones, Implied Consent, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character, Out of Character, Past Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Top Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Wonwoo Uses Sex as Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27640844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koovoix/pseuds/meaniesss
Summary: If Mingyu asked Wonwoo what his biggest regret in life was, he would hesitate. His teeth would dig into his lip as he cocked his head to recall what brought burning shame to his system, and he would fall on the conclusion of a softly uttered:“I don’t know, probably everything.”His handsome face would curve into a wry smile as the conversation changed, but he would grab Mingyu’s hand and kiss it, whispering “Never you, though.”That was before.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Jeon Wonwoo, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Series: don't wanna cry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909579
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	I’m okay (I’m not okay)

**Author's Note:**

> This not beta read, so please comment any mistakes you see! Please read the first part before this for full context.
> 
> Also, Jisoo is not a good person in this, just a warning and depending as you read him, Wonwoo isn't either. 
> 
> I don't think they are bad people in real life, this is just a fictionalized version of my own emotions and situation!
> 
> Title from "Don't Wanna Cry" by Seventeen
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

If Mingyu asked Wonwoo what his biggest regret in life was, he would hesitate. His teeth would dig into his lip as he cocked his head to recall what brought burning shame to his system, and he would fall on the conclusion of a softly uttered: 

“I don’t know, probably everything.” 

His handsome face would curve into a wry smile as the conversation changed, but he would grab Mingyu’s hand and kiss it, whispering “Never you, though.” 

That was before. Before that cold night, where Mingyu saw him drunk and hanging off a man who wasn’t him. Now, he could finally recall what brought the most shame to him. 

“Hurting you.” His mind whispered as he watched Mingyu run off to the rented car he had. He shoved Jisoo away, his chest flaring in pain as the reality of what he did settled in. He felt sick. Sick with his inability to be alone, always craving to have someone crawl into his body, warming from the inside and making sure that he couldn’t linger on the shame he felt. The shame about his past, about his own narcissistic nature that always lurked beneath his surface. 

His hands started shaking, watching with his breath caught deep in his lungs, as his entire world drove away from him. His lips parted as he tried to whisper an excuse, but he couldn’t. Not to Mingyu, at least. He never could lie to the other man, no matter the pain or shame it brought to him, and even thinking about it made him feel even sicker, bile creeping up his throat and rendering his vocal chords useless as Jisoo stared at him, shock swimming over his features. 

“Was that him?” Jisoo finally asked, tearing Wonwoo’s eyes away from the road that Mingyu had left down. He just nodded his head, a numb laugh escaping him as hot tears started to slide down his cheeks. Wonwoo didn’t know what he was doing. Didn’t know why he asked his roommate to make all his shame stop. How did doing something even more shameful make it any better? 

The bitter spread of self-hatred made itself known, and Wonwoo felt himself feel morbid happiness at the familiar feeling. Jisoo took his hand, lacing their fingers together as he whispered “Cmon, I’ll make it better.” 

He took them inside, unlocking the complex and leading Wonwoo to the elevator so they could make their way up to their shared room. He stared at himself in the reflective surface of the elevator, taking himself in. His lips were red and puffy, as were his eyes, tear tracks in his eyeliner. His purple hair was messy from how fervently he and Jisoo were kissing at the club. He looked down after it felt all too much, the deep pressure against his lungs dropping to his stomach.

Jisoo led them out of the elevator and to their room, unlocking it with one hand, the other in Wonwoo’s. He shut the door, pressing Wonwoo against the flimsy wood, cupping his strong jaw and pulling him down to his face, kissing him with a deep passion that he missed. No one kissed him like Mingyu did, taking Wonwoo apart slowly with his mouth, his pretty hands pressing into his skin and feeling every part of him as he peeled every layer back on Wonwoo, showing his bare self. Jisoo gave what Mingyu couldn’t, which was to be there when he needed him. He could throw Wonwoo down and take him apart without making it too much. Being with Mingyu felt like he belonged to a pantheon that Mingyu alone worshipped, adoring and giving Wonwoo whatever he needed. Mingyu needed to give and give to Wonwoo, being the best for him and whatever he asked. 

As gross as it was, he took morbid happiness of being able to be out of control of the situation, though the small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he was only making his pain worse. He knew that the way Jisoo’s hands were curled around his cock, stroking him slowly as he whispered filthy degradation in his ear, telling him how disgusting he was and how slutty he acted, was making it all worse. He could feel the sharp pains in his heart every time Mingyu’s face drifted through his mind as Jisoo pressed his face down into the mattress on his shitty bed, taking everything from him including his ability to let out anything other than deep moans and whimpers. 

Pleasure coiled in his stomach, his hand wrapping around his member as Jisoo chased his own high, his tears welled up. He came against his cheap sheets with tears streaming down his cheeks, his ass sore from how rushed prep was and how hard Jisoo fucked him, and his heart filled with deep and dark regret. 

God, He thought, Way to fuck everything over in your life. He pulled his head up to look at his roommate, their chests still rising and falling rapidly from the aftershocks. Jisoo saw the tear tracks on his cheeks, fresh and still very visible, smirking as he asked “That good?” Wonwoo just scoffed at him, his legs shaking as he got off his bed to boxers and one of Mingyu’s hoodies that he gave him for his year abroad. 

Shutting and locking the door in the bathroom, he slid down hard and started sobbing, ignoring the shooting pain up his tailbone as he gasped through his tears. Wonwoo had just fucked up every single thing in his life in one night. He set fire to every single good thing in his life and watched as it burned, disgusting happiness spreading through his chest. He could finally be shameful without having to ever look out for anyone who actually cared. He could finally settle into his own regret again, fucking everything up with no one expecting less. 

Wonwoo laughed, his eyes bright red from the salt and constant rubbing, cum dry on his stomach from his mistakes. And he just laughed, his own self-destruction finally happening. 

***

Jisoo knew that what he did was awful by any normal standards, but he really couldn’t care less. He pulled the condom off as Wonwoo rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. Sobs echoed from under the door and Jisoo smirked. 

Since the first day he saw Wonwoo, he wanted him. He was so pretty and shy. He put on a front, betraying what he really craved on the inside. Jisoo could tell Wonwoo was looking for a way to destroy himself and he was just so good at it, so he helped. He flirted with Wonwoo and gave him the attention he craved from missing his boyfriend, slowly tearing his walls down to release the darkness inside of him. 

The younger man was resistant at first, face timing his pretty boyfriend before they tapered off from Jisoo making sure to ask Wonwoo to go out when he knew the other would call. After being cut off from his reason, Wonwoo opened up quicker. His glare lessened when Jisoo flirted and teased him, until he flirted back. Wonwoo was a lot easier to break than he would’ve thought, and it seemed as if the universe was on Jisoo’s side because Wonwoo’s pretty boyfriend showed up on the night that Jisoo finally made his move, making everything so much easier. 

He ran the fingers through his bleach blonde hair before throwing the condom away and pulling sweats on, sliding a shirt over his head. He pushed his feet into some slides and grabbed the nearest hoodie, walking out of the dorm room to go to the corner store that was by their dorms. He intended to push Wonwoo further and make him give in more, and he needed condoms for that. 

When he returned from the store, Wonwoo was nowhere to be seen, his laptop and backpack gone along with most of the pictures he had hung up.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is again loosely based off my previous relationship, but surprise! Both Wonwoo and Mingyu are me, just two sides of the same coin. Sorry if this was too much or if this wasn't enough, I'm trying to keep them relatively the same length just to give the story some consistency. This actually has a plot line by the way, it just hasn't fully shown itself.
> 
> I'll try to get the next part up soon, I am just busy with school!
> 
> Comment your thoughts and follow me on twitter @KUNHANG4Y


End file.
